Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Single and Waiting?

Everybody and their momma thinks I should be dating. What do I think? Honestly I don't know what I think. Several people have made attempts to introduce me to guys...and while I sometimes agree, I'm just not sure I'm ready.

Yes I was alone through my whole pregnancy and I have remained single after. My baby isn't even 3 months old and people think I should get back out there. Should I? I don't know. It's not such an easy thing for me. Never has been. But now it's extremely difficult to even think about.

I mean, before I could just go wherever, whenever I felt like it. Now I have to arrange a sitter, pack diaper bags and all that other jazz. Aside from just getting the baby situated, my entire mindset about dating has changed (and that's a good thing). I have always been super relaxed with it and not big on titles. Now I have to consider so much and make sure all of the relationships I enter or maintain are whats best for me AND Trinity. Dating me means eventually being a part of her life. A life that I guard with my own.

I also don't want to carry baggage...and right now my carry-on won't fit into overhead storage. It sucks because I miss companionship but I can't afford to have the wrong people around. I guess I'm kinda scared to put myself back out there. There is A LOT to be scared of. Real talk. 

As I am adjusting to my new role as a mother, she is my first priority. How do I make something that has never been easy for me happen now? I guess it will when it's time. I can't see myself EVER NEVER EVER in LIFE going through what I just went through again. That's what scares me most. You never know how quickly things may change. And I'm not with parading people in and out of either of our lives.

I've debated online dating, but nah, it never goes farther (or further?) than a thought.

I guess when I can clear my cloudy mind and my bags are unpacked I'll be ready. Until then, I'll keep praying and waiting. Things happen when they are supposed to. Y'all pray for me!


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